Thursday, July 26, 2007

Untitled, Qina

This is a show not tell exercise that we did in our writing groups to write about a character that will raise a response. Now, enough said, any comments or suggestions? Also, I need help coming up with a title.

He slammed his fist on the car dashboard, the white-hot pain spreading to his knuckles. The feeling reminded him of a much simplier time when he and his friends would bang each other up to see who would bleed first. Fun times and fond memories, but he wasn't that kid anymore, and the pain didn't numb the heavy feeling in his heart or stop the thoughts from racing through his head.
"Damn it, Claire." He spoke through gritted teeth. "Please, no...not now." He begged it not to true, as if that would stop the million desperate thoughts of what was and what couldn't be, starting with what had been his dream for the past four years---his now ruined football career. Even a scholarship couldn't fix everything as he had thought once upon a time. Well, certainly not this.
How could one piece of news change his life forever? Well, he knew "how," or at least the rough mechanics of it anyways. It was result of drunken parties and car backseats, and a little something about the birds and the bees that had become lost between childhood friends like Barney and Elmo and football, which was more than just a game; it was his life. Still, he clearly remembered the sighs and grunts of his old man as his was still playing with his favorite action figures, not understanding a word his father said. He was only nine at the time and the subject of "girls" were over his head.
He focused back to reality--the very real downpour of rain pounding on the hood of his car as it drowned everything around him, the very real situation he was trapped in, and mostly the very real voice of his girlfriend that he wanted to blame but couldn't; it was his fault too.
The tiny and distant voice on the small cellular phone whined and plead. His girlfriend Claire was begging him to calm down. That everything was going to okay, trying to pacify her own fears of the new uncertainty.
It wasn't a question of morality. Not anymore, although some would consider getting pregnant in high school as a big scandal. But a simple truth. He was going to be a father. He was not even a proper adult and he was going to be a father. Yesterday he was just a kid messing around with his best buds and now he has to worry about raising a kid? It was surreal, but as they say, having a baby changes everything.

1 comment:

Joel said...

You seem to really get inside the head of the character. I like the first sentence. Very direct, good description. I also like the setting thrown in ("the very real downpour of rain pounding on the hood of his car as it drowned everything around him")...the setting mirrors the situation. This is called "pathetic fallacy," and as you probably know, is used a lot in film and literature.