Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Cute.!

The Story of Ronee and Mittens.!

Once there was a black cat. She was about 8 years old. Her name was Mittens.She was a very nice cat.Mittens had silky black fur. The greenest eyes you have ever seen
A couple days ago, she was strolling streets. Mittens found a dragon named Ronee. He was very nice. The next day Ronee offered Mittens to fly with him. Mittens never flew before, so she said yes.
The next day they were flying, it was July Fourth 1996. It was Mittens bithday. Ronne met her at the ocean. The ocean was sparkling in the balzing sun. They flew over the ocean,they saw many beautiful things. they saw high grass swaying in the wind. they saw a crystal clear pond. Mittens and Ronee enjoyed these sites. It was almost sunset. Mittens had to get home.
They went flying atleast three times a week. Mittens and Ronee always had fun together. Mittens loved Ronee's red eyes. they reminded her her of red roses and tulips. He also had these bulging eyes. Mittens thought they were cute!
Three years later Mittens fell sick. She couldn't talk or move. Ronee was terrified. He didn't want her to die. One day, weeks later, she felt better. She went to go see Ronee,and then she never came back!
Mittens and Ronee went to explore the world. They had fun before, and they wanted for fun. They did have more fun they ever had in their life time! They lived together and they were happy toegther!

By
Victoria Hender

4 comments:

Jen A. said...

Aww, I really like this! But can I make a suggestion? Try using a thesaurus for words that you think you use too much. www.thesaurus.com is a good one online.

Anonymous said...

Cute story! A few spelling and grammer mistakes that I spotted but keep working on it!

Rachelle said...

i love it!!<3 its so cute. nice detail!

Joel said...

Folks, try to focus on higher order things, instead of focusing on grammar etc. If you see places for improvement, be specific. Remember, be constructive.

V, I like some of the imagery in the piece, (sparkling in the blazing sun, high grass swaying, etc.)

Lastly, the characters are pretty interesting. Could you possibly weave a story around one of their adventures. I have a suggestion for my students when we do creative writing. You can write a little about a lot of things, or you can write a lot about one thing. In other words, pick a situation and develop it.